“Yes, well,” Greta said, getting up from her flower bed and brushing herself off, “I was just percolating in your garden, Miss Roxenbury, and have come up with a business proposal for you.”
“Does it involve the FBI?”
“Perhaps, but we’ll get into that later.”
“As a threat?”
“As a kick to the marinade.”
“Fine then, I’m brined to my tail feathers and ready to be buttered. Propose.”
“I’ve had a dream and intend for your residence to be turned into a private pet shop that deals exclusively in designer chickens, and perhaps sheep but I’m not sure yet. They will be raised here, confidentially, while being marketed through online profiles created for each of them on Facebook.”
“Do you have good names for that sort of thing?”
“As of yet, no. Any ideas?”
“I’ve always wanted a chicken for a pet, and I’ve been keeping the name Fiona for the occasion. Fiona would be good for a sheep, too, or Apple.”
Greta inclined her head, magnanimously, then continued, “I am prepared to offer you market value according to the most fashionable real estate blogs of today, cash upfront, with an additional tie-in. Each harvest, I will arrange for a regular shipment of your garden to be sent to an oversees address of your choice.”
“Meaning you want me deported.”
“Yes, self-deportation preferred. Do you find these terms acceptable?”
“I suppose I could spend the rest of my days grinding maize on a beach in Mexico. Doesn’t that sound lovely? You have a deal.”
Before returning inside, Miss Roxenbury leaned in close and whispered, “Name one of them Fiona, would you?”
And that is how Greta began her luxury farm animal pet shop in the heart of San Francisco’s Mission District. Soon word of it spread all over the city and deep into the suburbs, but no farther than that as farmers hearing of it would simply shake their heads, muttering to themselves, “Crazy city folk.” Greta’s shop become a hit among families who wanted something unique for a family pet, and in particular that special housewife who felt that she had conquered domestic life so much as to warrant a new challenge, one with pinfeathers and claws that tore up the backyard and annoyed the neighbors if left unpampered. Greta made tons of new, chatty friends. Her Facebook friend count skyrocketed, and not just due to the profiles she created for her livestock. Tons of people relished the idea of adopting poultry. Her dream was to make them as common as dogs.
Her first major sale was Greta. Apple was still on the market, priced competitively.
